4 Times it is Okay to Be a Selfish Bride
No, I’m not giving you free reign to turn into a complete bridezilla while planning your wedding. I’m not going to condone crying over your dream venue being out of budget, treating your bridesmaids like servants, or throwing a tantrum over imperfect dress alterations. Planning a wedding is stressful business, but you still need to act like a reasonable person. That said, there are circumstances where you’re allowed to be a selfish bride - within reason, and always with tact.
Choosing the guest list is one of the most difficult things about planning a wedding. While it may not feel great to cut anyone from that list, consider the fact that your wedding day will go by extremely fast. You want to enjoy the day, rather than rush around saying hello to all of your guests. Narrowing down your guest list can also save you money by allowing you to choose a smaller venue, and will save you money on meals and favors. If you’re getting pressure to invite distant family members or friends of your parents, explain how important it is to you to have a relaxing day with those you love the most. Try to come to a compromise with your family, but don’t be afraid to put your foot down.
I could literally devote an entire blog post to wedding traditions that are just asking to be broken, but I’ll save that for another day. We’ve seen the traditional, the completely non-traditional, and everything in between. Maybe you want to do a first look or serve donuts instead of cake at the reception. Maybe you want to wear a pink dress instead of white. Maybe you want your bridesmaids to pick out perfectly mismatched dresses (that they will actually wear again). If your family has concerns about something you’re including or leaving out, explain why it is important to you to do so. Help them understand where you’re coming from so they can get on board with your awesome ideas!
We’ve seen (and been in) wedding parties both big and small. It’s a personal decision every bride and groom have to make, and it can often be difficult to narrow down what close friends or family you want standing with you on your big day. If you include that one friend from middle school, do you have to include the other? Do you automatically have to include someone that included you? Do you have to include your sister-in-law? All tough questions. First and foremost, wait until you’ve discussed budget, and have a rough estimate of the guest list before you start discussing who is standing up - even in an offhand way. Don’t include anyone just because you feel obligated to do so. If you think a friend may feel snubbed, address it head-on by taking her to get coffee and explaining that you love her but she won’t be in the party. She might be upset, but she will respect you for telling her before she finds out on Facebook.
Back when our parents and grandparents were getting married, they were literally starting their lives and households together. Our generation is a little different. You’ve probably lived on your own, with your significant other, or a combination of the two for a couple of years. So you’ve amassed a couple (or more) years worth of stuff. There are SO many options now beyond the traditional gift registry. Wedding china that you’ll never use? No thanks. A new collection of board games for a fun night in? Yes please! There are so many new ways to register for wedding gifts now; from several websites that offer a cash registry to honeymoon resorts that offer spa package registry. Swatch Couples can even register for prints and albums or gift cards that will go toward their photography package!
It’s easy to get wrapped up in the suggestions (or demands) of friends and family - but remember that these things can easily get out of hand (which usually means out of budget). Don’t put pressure on yourself to immediately agree or disagree with anything. Take time to consider how much doing or NOT doing something means to you as well as the cost involved. Discuss it with your significant other or even your wedding party - after all, someone may have an idea for a creative compromise. The bottom line is to remember that you are planning your wedding. Don’t lose sight of yourself along the way.
We want to hear from you!
How are you allowing yourself to be selfish while planning your wedding? Those of you that are already married, how did you handle outside pressure during planning? Would you do anything differently? Comment below and let us know!